Food Police

I'm sat here watching the news and they are on about banning 15 year olds from drinking..... errrrr silly me I thought the law in the UK was you had to be 18 to drink....then again with the government that we have got you never know where you are with them, they may have lowered the drinking age and just not told anyone....

Seems we are also going to have food police now as well, who will have 24 hour training lol ....can you imagine it....there you are sat in your house and there's a knock at your door...

FP(Food Police)-Hello we have come to inspect the contents of your fridge cupboards and bin.
HH(Householder) Well I really don't want you in my house go away.
FP. We have the power to enter your house and do this without a warrent, without a judge saying we can.
HH. What? Are you saying you can enter my house at anytime you want to see what food I have.
FP. Yes the Government have given us these powers.
HH.To just look and see what I have?
FP. Yes and to tell you about sell by dates and best before dates
HH. Well I already know about them go away.
FP. No we are coming in.
After entering the house and inspecting the fridge and cupboards, the FP sit you down with food that they say is bad for you, that they took out of your fridge etc.
FP. You can't eat this it's chocolate and that can cause obesity, you had two blocks of cheese and too much is bad for you, you mustn't have full cream milk, those yoghurts are not low fat ones. This cream caks says eat on day of purchase so that has to go as well
HH but I was going to eat that later I only bought it today
Fp No sorry it's bad for you
HH This is stupid...
FP We are doing our job, you may keep all the friut and veg that we saw although we are taking these bananas and cucumbers as they are too bent...you must buy straighter ones
Hh Your nuts. I grew those cucumbers myself.
FP Then we will have to inspect those that you are growing, if they are bent like these then they will be confiscated.
Hh shakes head in bewilderment
Fp We also looked in your bin...you cannot throw out any food in that...you have to have a slop bucket under your sink for all food that is not eaten. then it will be collected on the due collection date for non eaten food ...remember to seperate it all though, meat in one veg all in seperate buckets for each item , non cooked in another one all seperated of course.
HH You have got to be kidding me....how often will all that be collected?
Fp Once a month.
HH My house will stink...I'm not doing that.
Fp We have the power to fine you £1000 pounds per item in your bin if you don't, and £1000 per item that has not been seperated properly.
HH Get out of my house, leave all my food behind as well, your nuts all of you.
FP no we can't do that, we are also issuing a fine because you have insulted the humble nuts that grow on trees , that's racism against nuts.
HH Get out.
After closing the door on the FP the Householder logs on to the net, and makes plans to escape from the nanny state that is now the UK....